My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize