Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
