i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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