on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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