i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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