WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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