My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
