I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize