Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
