If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
