Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
