I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
