is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
