i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
