I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
