the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
