I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
