Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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