if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
