Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
