So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
