"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
