She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
