you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
