it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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