his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
