Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
