Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize