yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
