One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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