so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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