but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
