i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
