I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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