i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
