I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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