I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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