dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
