Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the condom got lost in my hair
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
