I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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