I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
