some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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