I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
my poor anus
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
