Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize