It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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