Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your dad touched me again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
