I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
