I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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