I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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