$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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