After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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