we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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