she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize