My room smells like vodka and shame
Porn is love you can see.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
