you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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