I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
