Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
