Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
