he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
