oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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