He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
