I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she peed on how many people?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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