either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
