i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
