ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize