Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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