I am puke
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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