And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
