It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
