I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
