Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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