Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
