I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize