be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize