I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
