I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
