Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
