he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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