So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
