i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
