I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
