id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize