Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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