good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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