I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
