I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Less talking, more tequila
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
