Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
