im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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