Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
