I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
