he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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